5 Signs that Jay Z Son, Blue Ivy, is the Antichrist
1. Sitting In the Temple
1. Sitting In the Temple
In
Biblical language, this is a way of saying "Living in a palace and
lording over us." Which, let's just say, Blue Ivy's mom and pop are more
guilty of this than her (I mean, she is only a few days old), but
what's she gonna learn, huh? She's better than all those other NICU
babies? Um, yeah, actually.
2. Opposes those who are worshipped
2. Opposes those who are worshipped
We
all know that Blue Ivy is going to rebel hardcore against her parents -
the creme de la creme of the music industry - but she's probably going
to try to overthrow the government too. Y'all watch yourselves.
3. Arrogance
3. Arrogance
Basically,
the "I'm better than you" vibe is playing hard through all these signs.
When it comes to this, arrogance of the "I'm not just better than you,
I'm going to rule over you and destroy the world" variety is present.
I'm officially terrified of a baby.
4. Performing counterfeit miracles
4. Performing counterfeit miracles
That
is, pretending to perform miracles, but really just letting luck, or
money, take over things. This is probably the place where I would
mention the fake surrogate and Beyonce's "back and better than ever"
body that will be in the tabloids within a few months. I'll just let you
read between the lines.
5. Performing other acts of evil
5. Performing other acts of evil
Blocking
parents from the NICU for security, potentially smuggling in a
surrogate, and generally being holier-than-thou about the whole
pregnancy have created a series of "well that's kind of mean and
unnecessary" comments on all Babyonce posts. While right now everything
is on her parents, I'm terrified for Blue Ivy's evil future.
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